But none of this was as bad as the realization of what it really meant -what he was really doing. The idea of being stuck in Burt's life and job- stuc... as a working man - up until now had been a series of darkfantasies; snapshots of him working in the stables and doing otherlabour. The reality wasn't a snapshot. The reality was that after fiveminutes of doing it there was another five minutes. Another hour. Anothertwo hours. Being a labourer wasn't a single moment in time it wassomething that. I was in the process of falling asleep a week after I had arrived, when there was a quiet knock at my door. I opened it to the sight of Sarah, wearing a translucent nightgown. Even in the dim light, I could clearly see her nipples, as well as the outlines of her breasts. My breath slightly quickened, and a million thoughts went through my head. I had stayed up late reading, and Sarah had gone to bed an hour and a half ago. Why was she here now? And why did she look so scared?She crept up to me.. When I woke up my right side from my face to my toes was numbish. I flipped. The only thing I could think was stroke. The only other thought I could think was “please let me die”, over and over again. I can’t manage if I lose the use of half my body on top of my other issues. I could still move, but I didn’t try to get my wife’s attention. She was in the other room. I was scared stupid, but If I was having a stroke I’d rather it kill me than adding another level of disability. I don’t want a. " I do and always will. So any thoughts about today, I know you need to go to work and find out what will happen." I plan to ring the Chicago newspaper and see about getting an interview before I leave. But then, yes I will go and face the music." I wish I could go with you, but I have a very important meeting. Probably the most important I will ever have. I am not quite sure what will happen, but I am hoping for the best." Sophie, hope is not a bad thing, but what does your instinct tell you.".
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